Mending a Broken Heart
by DomLetty101
Summary: Olivia is left heartbroken and numb. She doesn't know what to do with this loss. When someone from her past comes back, she's in no mood to fight, but what happens when she doesn't have this loss to distract her from the conversation that needs to be had. Nothing can mend a broken heart, but maybe someone can. *Contains spoilers from Longest Night of Rain Episode*
1. Numb

**A/N: IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE NEWEST EPISODE OF SVU (Longest Night of Rain)- DO NOT READ! THERE ARE SPOILERS!**

**Tonights episode was heartbreaking.**

* * *

Olivia sat in her office feeling numb. She had gotten news about 4 hours ago that Ed Tucker had killed himself and she was broken. She closed the blinds and kept the door closed after Fin left the room closing it. She sat on the couch in her office and spent time looking at a picture of the two of them in Paris and she couldn't help the tears that started to fall again. She clutched the picture so tight as she held her head in her hands and cried. She heard the door open, and thought it was Fin again, coming in to check on her. Her emotions took over as she began to hyperventilate.

"Fin, I, I, I, Ne- Need to be, Al- Al- Alone," She struggled to get out as she cried harder. She thought she heard the door close but then she felt the body sit closely next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulders protectively as he pulled her shaking body to his.

"Liv, it's ok" She heard and she knew that wasn't Fin. She immediately shot up and lifted her tear stained face that was now being retained with fresh tears as she looked into the familiar blue eyes.

"Elliot? Why- No you, Leave Elliot" She choked out not wanting to deal with this tonight too. She was hyperventilating bad now and Elliot calmly asked her if he could hold her hand and she shook her head no.

"Liv, please just take my hand, you need to calm down"

"I don't want to ta-take your fucken hand" She smacked it away

"Olivia, you need to breathe" He tried as he rubbed her back "You've had a rough day, let's get throu-"

"I HAVE HAD THE WORST FUCKEN D- D- DAY OF MY LIFE ELLIOT AND AND AND-" She yelled but stopped when a feeling rolled through her.

"I'm going to be sick" She got out and Elliot grabbed the garbage bin just in time as she began to throw up the contents of her stomach. He held her hair and rubbed her back. She threw up for a few minutes and cried even more and when she was finally done Elliot offered her a tissue. She aggressively took it from his hand and wiped her tears and her mouth but she was still shaking and hyperventilating.

"Olivia, please take my hand" He held it out and she looked at it before slowly taking it.

"Close your eyes" He said and she did as tears fell from her closed lids

"Tell me your happiest memory" He said but she kept crying

"Come on, Liv"

"When, when I got Noah"She said

"Good, now who is Noah?" Elliot asked softly

"My son" She said a bit calmer

"Wow, Liv, your son! That's amazing, now tell me, how old is little Noah?" He asked and she took a deep breath and gave a small smile

"Five. He's five"

"That's a fun age, I bet he keeps you on your toes, what is your favorite thing to do with him?"

"The park, I love taking him to the park"

"Whats his favorite thing there?" He asked and she had finally calmed down but their hands remained together

"He loves the swings, he always wants me to swing with him"

"I bet, and I bet he tries to see who can swing higher?" Elliot asked and she smiled softly again and nodded yes before opening her eyes again to look at Elliot

"Thanks" She said and Elliot gave her a smile

"So, why are you here?" She asked again

"I got a call from an Amanda Rollins, she asked me to come in"

"Why?" She asked now genuinely confused

"She said she was wanting to get ahead of this and talk to everyone who had issues with Tucker in the past and obviously my jacket is fu-"

"She what!" Olivia said with wide eyes

"I think she wants to know if anyone spoke to Tucker before he killed himself to see if anyone pushed him over the edge"

"I did, ok? I WAS THE LAST ONE TO TALK TO HIM. No one talked him into anything he has- he had brain cancer, Elliot he had 6 months to a year left" She said as she started to cry again, Elliot knew she was sensitive but he wasn't sure why she was so upset considering the past they had. Unless he killed himself in front of her or they had become friends.

"He wasn't the same and he didn't want the people in his life to have to care for a dying man. I was the only one who knew about the cancer and even then that wasn't real to me yet. Then he took me to the pier. The same pier where he told me he loved me and and-" She tried but started to sob again. Elliot tried to console her but then he wondered what the two really meant to eachother. She just said Tucker told her he loved her.

"We were on the same pier and I just cried and told him I was sorry for everything, and I wanted more time for us. He hugged me and whispered in my ear that we will always have Paris, and that he would always love me and Noah. Two hours later he was gone. Gone. Never coming back"

"I'm sorry, Liv. I am so so sorry" He said as he kept his arm around her shoulder while she cried. "I didn't even know you two were.. involved"

"If you're going to make some snide comment about him, or us then you can just leave and don't come back" She spat and Elliot pulled her back

"No, no I promise I wasn't I just didn't know."

"You don't know a lot anymore, but that's on you"

"I know, and I'm sorry" The two remained on her couch silently for about 10 minutes before Olivia spoke again.

"I loved him, I really really loved him. Now he's gone and I can't even tell him" She said as she stood up and walked over to her desk picking up a glass figure that sat on top.

"He will never fucken know that now!" She yelled as she threw the glass watching it shatter on the floor as she picked up a coffee cup

"He will never know that I never stopped loving him!" She yelled again smashing the coffee cup she threw a couple more things as she cried

"I should have stopped being so fucken scared and given us a more of a chance. I shouldn't have ran! I should've just-" She started and fell to her knees as she cried and Elliot came over and held her

"I should've been by his side, and showed him that I loved him. I should've told him more" She cried and Elliot held her and rocked her back and forth

"Liv, honey, he knew. If I can see this love you had for him, then he knew, and he still knows" She pulled back and looked into his eyes not caring about their past at this moment, she was seeking comfort.

"Do you really think that?"

"I do, and I know hes going to be watching you and loving you and Noah forever. He's always in your heart, Liv"

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Why does God do this? I don't know much about religion, but why"

"There's never an answer Liv, it just happens"

"How can someone worship someone who takes those we love most?"

"It's hard, we have to know they're in a better place, but it's hard"

The two sat in silence before Elliot pulled her up and wiped her tears

"We should get you home, you said you have a 5 year old, I'm sure he would love to see his mommy after today. Have you told him yet?"

"No, Ed wasn't his dad, I adopted Noah, and I don't know if I can, I don't want him to see me like this"

"Trust me, there is nothing like seeing your childs face or hearing their ' I love yous' on your darkest days. I'll drive you"

"It's ok, I can dr-"

"No, not like this, I'll drive you" Olivia gave in and agreed as she walked out of her office with Elliot and Amanda walked over to them

"We can start your questioning now, Ell-"

"Amanda, back off, NOW! You are not questioning Elliot. I was the one who spoke to him last, and we talked about how we wish we had more time and how sorry we were for not fighting harder for each other."

"Liv I'm so-"

"Save it, I don't want to hear your apology, stop this ridiculous questioning you're doing. Do not test me right now, I am not the person you want to piss me off" She spat as she stormed out of the precinct with Elliot close behind.

When she got out she took a big breath and Elliot gave her a small smile and pointed to his SUV. He opened the passenger side door for her and she got in and heard a squeak and sat up as she saw a dog toy. She looked at Elliot and he chuckled

"Eli knows how to work me. After the divorce, he really put on the 'I need a friend, I'm sad dad, heres all the dogs available and I circled every one I want' and two days later, we were bringing home Milo"

"Smart kid. You and Kathy got divorced?"

"Yeah about 8 years ago now"

"Sorry" She said softly but genuinely

"Don't be, we weren't good together, I think even you knew that. She's happier now, she got remarried"

"And you?" She asked happy to have a new conversation that doesn't make her cry

"Single, and spending time with the kids as much as I can. I occasionally do security for high profile events or concerts which really made the kids think I was super cool, but I coach Eli's basketball team a lot too"

"I'm glad to hear you're doing good" She said but she felt another wave of sadness. Elliot saw this and reached over to take her hand.

"It's ok to cry, Liv. It doesn't make you weak, you're only human, and a human with a broken heart right now, so let it out"

She cried but never let go of Elliot's hand while she cried. She was able to get out her new address and Elliot navigated to her new place. He parked in front and when neither one moved Elliot turned to look at her before speaking.

"Are you going to be ok, Liv? Please be honest with me" He said and she was about to say she was fine but instead she shook her head no. Elliot turned the car off and jumped out as he went to help her out. He locked the car and brought her upstairs. He took her key and unlocked the door and when she pulled her jacket off a rambunctious 5 year old came running out in dinosaur pyjamas and jumped into her arms

"Mommy! You're home!" He watched Olivia hold the small boy tightly knowing she needed this.

"How was your day, sweet boy?"

"It was good, Lucy and I went to the park after school on the way to dance class"

"You did! How was school?"

"It was good too, are you ok, mommy?" He asked noticing his mothers tear stained face

"Yeah baby, mommy just had a really bad day"

"Is somebody hurt?" He asked and she closed her eyes as she tried to not let the tears fall but she couldn't help it. She nodded her head yes not able to speak.

"Will they be ok?" Olivia struggled to find her voice but eventually did

"No, honey they won't be"

"Did they die, mommy?"

"Yeah baby" She said as more tears fell

"Well at least they won't be hurting anymore and now they can be free from all the bad things. And my friend, Tommy said when his daddy died and went to heaven it's perfect there, they have everything you want so that person is probably eating lots of pizza in heaven" He said innocently making Mariska laugh and hug him again.

"I think you're right, baby" She whispered

"Mommy? Who's that man?" Noah asked the awkward standing Elliot

"Do you remember that picture you found and asked who that was?" She asked and Noah nodded yes

"Well that's him, his name is E-"

"ELLIOT! I remember!" He said happily as he went over to Elliot to introduce himself as Olivia walked into the kitchen to see Lucy

"Liv! Oh God, I'm so sorry" She said genuinely as she hugged her tightly.

"If you need me to stay late, or come early, please don't hesitate to ask!"

"Thanks, Lucy, I'm going to try to spend some time with Noah for a couple days"

"Of course, but please, if you need anything, I'm here" Lucy said as she hugged her once more and said her goodbyes.

Olivia looked at Noah who was telling Elliot a story and she went over and picked him up again.

"It's time for bed, sweet boy"

"Okay, mommy, goodnight, Elliot!"

"Goodnight, Noah, it was nice to meet you" He smiled

"I'll be right back" she told Elliot as she carried Noah to his room

"You know how much I love you right?"

"Yes mommy, but I love you more"

"Not possible" She smiled as she kissed him and hugged him tighter tonight. She took another long look at him as she turned the light off and closed his door going back out to the living room.

"Cute kid, he looks a lot like you"

"Thanks, and yeah I get that a lot"

"Liv, I'm sorry for everything I did, all th pain I ca-"

"Elliot, I never thought I would say this, but I really appreciate you being here, but I don't want to talk about that. Not tonight anyways, it's just too much"

"I'm sorry, you're right." They sat on the sofa in silence and Olivia sat up to grab a bottle of wine.

"So tell me about you and Tucker" Elliot said as she handed him a glass of wine.

"When I was kidnapped I was dati-"

"Kidnapped?" Elliot asked shocked and Olivia held her hands up

"That's also a different story for a different day" She said and Elliot nodded letting her continue

"Anyways when I was kidnapped, I was dating Cassidy, and he didn't even know I was missing because he was working late. Anyways when they fund me 4 days later, Ed was the one who kept coming to check on me, he made sure I was ok, and he helped me through a lot. When I adopted Noah, I used to bring him to the precinct and Ed would come by for work but he would get caught up playing with Noah. He used to pick him up from the crib I had in my office and carry him around and talk to him while I tried to update him, he was never paying attention when he held Noah. Eventually he came around more and more and even when I found Lucy to watch Noah instead of him being at the precinct, Ed used to come in and bring me coffee, or lunch, or just come in to talk-he came in more for personal reasons, rather than business. One day we were all at a bar and after everyone left it was just Ed and I and he told me to stay for a drink. So I did. We continued to meet for drinks but without anyone else, and we got close and dated. On our 6 month he told me he loved me on that pier and on our one year he surprised me and Noah with my dream trip to Paris. I was so in love with him, Elliot. He was there for me but never held me back, he supported me and loved me and Noah so hard. It was a side of Ed neither of us ever saw in the early days, but when I got to know him and his heart, it was so easy to fall in love with him. He said he wanted to marry me one day and retire, but of course I got scared and ended it. I never stopped loving him which is what kills me."

"Thats beautiful, Liv. He knew you loved him, he didn't want you to watch him suffer"

"I know, I just wanted more time. I wanted the chance to tell him I loved him once more"

"Olivia, he knows, I promise you. He felt your love. He loved you just as much as you loved him. True love always knows" He said softly and Olivia chugged her wine.

"Thank you, Elliot."

The two sat on the couch talking and finishing the wine before Olivia yawned.

"You need to get some sleep" Elliot said

"Yeah, I think so. You can take the couch, you've had some drinks"

"Only if you're sure, I don't want to make you uncomfortable"

"Elliot it's fine" She said as the two stood up and Elliot pulled her into a hug.

"You're going to get through this, Liv"

"I just wish I didn't have to" She whispered sadly.

They pulled away and she gave him some pillows and blankets as she made her way to her room.

She wiped whatever makeup was left on her tear stained face. She took her pants off only wearing panties and she dug in her closet and pulled out one of Ed's NYPD shirts he left at her house. She pulled it on and smelled it as she let some more tears falls as she crawled in bed. She laid in darkness before she heard a soft knock.

"Yeah?" She said and Elliot slowly opened the door peaking in to see if it was ok

"I forgot, you dropped this at the precinct, I thought you would want it close" He said as he handed her the picture of her and Ed in Paris.

"Thank you" She whispered as she looked at it again and smiled sadly.

"Night Liv"

"Night El" She said as he closed her door letting her try and sleep for the night.

* * *

**TBC... R&R**


	2. Day 1

Olivia woke up in the middle of the night seeing images of Tucker kill himself, even though she wasn't there she was creating images in her mind. She sat up in her bed with tears streaming down her face but being sure to not make a sound, she didn't want to wake up Noah. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her head on them as she proceeded to cry.

She hadn't realized how long she had been crying nor what time it was, but she did hear her door being opened and her name being called.

"Liv?" She head Elliot say, she almost forgot he was there but when she looked up she knew he definitely was.

"Hey, I'm sorry, if I woke you up" She choked out and instantly Elliot walked over to her and sat on the edge of her bed placing his hand on her knee.

"No, Liv, you didn't, I woke up to grab water and I heard you so I thought I would come check on you.

"I'm ok" She whispered

"Liv, you don't have to be strong all the time" He said softly

"I don't know what else to be, I refuses to be weak, and I need to not just abandon my duties as a mother or as a captain, and I ne-"

"Liv" Elliot said taking her hand making her stop waving the around, she always spoke with her hands so when he grabbed her hands she stopped talking and she looked into his eyes. "You've just gone through one of the hardest moments of your life, you don't need to be strong for anyone. It's not weak, Liv, it's grieving, you're allowed to grieve. You're not abandoning anything by taking time to grieve, you're letting yourself heal. He told her and Olivia cried more and held his hand tighter.

"I just want this pain to stop." She cried and Elliot held her tighter as she cried. Elliot rubbed her back as she cried and after 40 minutes she sat up slightly and looked at Elliot who wiped her tears.

"I'm so-"

"Don't apologize, Liv"

"Okay, well thank you then" She said with a small smile

"You're welcome, Liv. You think you can sleep now?" And she nodded yes and Elliot kissed her forehead and stood up and walked to her door.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you- Uhm could you stay? Atleast until I fell asleep? You don't have to, I won't be ma-"

"Liv, I'll stay" He said as he gave her a small smile and sat on top of the blankets on her bed sitting there while she laid down and tried to sleep

"Will you tell me a story?" She asked softly like a small child and he looked down at her and smiled

"What do you want to hear?"

"Anything, tell me about the kids" She said with a smile, and closed her eyes as Elliot proceeded to tell her about his children till she fell asleep.

Olivia woke up and saw Elliot in the same spot still awake watching TV with no sound just subtitles.

"Hi" She whispered

"Morning, sleep ok?"

"Yeah once I fell back asleep I did, thank you again"

"Stop thanking me, Liv. That's what friends do" He said and it was silent for a few minutes

"Is that what we are, Elliot?" She asked not wanting to start a fight because she had no energy, but she hasn't really considered him a friend since he left her.

"I know I fucked up, and how mad you are, I want to apologize till I'm blue in the face, you didn't deserve what I did or how I treated you, but one thing I can promise you, as much as you want to deny it, I never stopped caring"

"I'm tired of losing people Elliot"

"I know"

"No, you don't. I lost my mother, I lost Munch, Nick, Peter, Rafael, Brian, Peter, Alex, Rachel, Melinda, Simon, I lost Cragen, even though we talk it's not the same, I just lost Ed, I lost you and honestly, I've lost myself. I can't keep losing people Elliot. I get close to someone and they are ripped from me, I don't know what I did to not deserve love or even friendship for that matter, the only consistent thing in my life is Noah and Fin. I'm broken El, I want to have hope and believe me, I dreamed of a time where we would meet again and everything could be ok, but I can't let anyone else in anymore."

"Liv, you can't think like that, and you never lost me"

"I always imagined when I had a child you would be there, I always pictured you cheering me on when I got a promotion, I kept waiting for you to walk through that door when I was kidnapped, where were you, Elliot? Because I remember all of those days very vividly and you weren't there for any of it."

"I want to prove to you that I am here, I'm here for you and Noah, and whatever you need"

"That's to much Elliot. You can't make this elaborate promises to me when I can't even trust you anymore. I don't know anything about you anymore."

"You know me, Liv"

"I know what you let me know."

"I'm trying here, Liv. I will tell you anything you want to know"

"How did you really feel when you found out about Ed and I" She asked him seriously.

"Honestly, Liv when you told me in your office last night, I felt sad, sure I was shocked, but you are the most honest and genuine person I have ever known, you have always found the good in people, but when someone does you wrong you don't forget it" He told her and she listened to each word he said carefully as he continued

"I don't forgive easily either" She added

"Yes you do, if you can tell for certainty that someone is being genuine and honest, you will forgive them, you won't forget, but you will forgive. So after everything Tucker did, throwing you in jail, coming after me, trying to take our badges, trying to spl-"

"I get it" She said not wanting him to go on with his list

"If he could have done all that and you were still able to fall in love with him, then you obviously saw a side to him that I never did. It's not that it wasn't there, obviously it was, I just never saw it. So if the things he had done in the past were able to be forgiven and forgotten by you, then I knew that there was no way I could be upset with the man. I would've loved to shake hands with Ed Tucker, the man who stole Olivia Bensons heart, maybe punch him because he was able to do something I never could."

"Whats that?" She asked as a tear ran down her cheek

"He was able to be a man, and a good one at that. He was able to be a good man to you, he wasn't a coward and I wish I could say the same about myself, but Ed Tucker was a courageous man, Liv. He was lucky to have and love you" Olivia wiped her tears and leaned forward to hug Elliot tightly

"Thank you for saying that, and for being honest" She whispered as Elliot hugged her back

"I'm going to make some coffee' She said as she stood up without thinking

"Uh Liv" Elliot said as he motioned to her lower half, and she looked down and saw she was still only wearing panties

"Oh God" She said embarrassed

"Don't be embarrassed, I'm not judging" He smiled "I'll make coffee, and maybe we can continue our talk?"

"I'd like that" Once Elliot left Olivia stood up and pulled on some leggings and went to check on Noah, it was 7:30 am and he was still sleeping, she probably had about another half hour or so so she smiled and went back to her bedroom waiting for Elliot she laughed at the movie he was watching and he walked back in carrying two cups

"Thats a nice sound" He said

"There is no sound"

"I meant your laugh" He smiled as he sat back on the bed with her while the two drank the hot liquid

"Why did you ignore me after you left?" She asked

"I couldn't face you. I told you, Liv I was a coward. I just broke your trust, and I knew you would've told me to come back and I would've but if I stayed I would've eaten my own gun and I couldn't pu- oh fuck, Liv I am so sorry, I'm so sorry" he apologized as he went wide eyed realizing what he just said about eating his gun.

"It's ok" She said softly trying to not picture it

"I was not trying to be insensitive or anything, I wasn't thinking, I wasn't going to te-"

"Elliot, it's ok. Honestly, this was why I made it mandatory for all my officers to go to therapy, and if they don't they are suspended. I don't want anyone suffering in silence"

"You're doing a great job, Liv. I think thats wonderful you did that, and honestly, it's needed" He told her and she took his hand

"I'm really glad you didn't go that route" She said as she squeezed his hands a bit tighter

"Me too. But honestly, I was too traumatized after that, I couldn't go back in there, I hated myself for what I had done. I know it was a clean shot, but I just couldn't accept it. Then Kathy left, my kids refused to speak to me for a while, I cut everyone off and I felt like a failure, I was so ashamed and embarrassed of who I had become I didn't want anyone to see me, especially a woman who I cared for more than anything. I couldn't be the one who let you down, Liv"

"You wouldn't have be-"

"Liv, I know you wouldn't have judged me or been mad, but you would've been dissapointed at the man I became and I couldn't handle that"

"But you got through it?"

"I did, but so much time had passed and I knew it would've been too late to come to you, you would've hated me"

"Why do you assume what you think I may have felt?"

"Because I hated myself. Even as I got myself together, I knew the one thing that I still fucked up was leaving you, and I wouldn't have given myself a second chance"

"Well maybe you should've"

"If all this hadn't happened, could you really say you would've welcomed me back with open arms, Liv?" He asked and she thought about it and shook her head no

"I guess not"

"I fucked up, Liv, and I know that. I am so sorry for that, and I want to be in your life again, I know being friends is where we start out, but you and I both know that we always were more than friends, so if you can accept me, then we will have to actually get to know eachother, like friends do. If you decide I'm good enough to be your friend then I would love to be part of your life"

"I would like that. I'll tell you right now, I don't trust you, that's something you need to earn. I want to be your friend Elliot, I know what you mean that we were always more than friend, but obviously that is the last thing on my mind. It would be nice to have a friend right now, but you also need to know when it's not your business. My son, my job, and my friendship with Fin are the most sacred things to me and you will not do anything to create chaos in any of those areas."

"I understand and I promise you, I will be here to listen, help you, protect you, make you laugh, smile, and help get you through this one day at a time."

"I appreciate that, I should warn you as my friend, I sometimes will call you over to watch Dirty Dancing while I quote the entire movie"

"Like we haven't done that before" He laughed

"Also, El... If I say I need space, I need you to respect that." She said seriously

"Look Liv, I promise I will respect you, but I will also tell you now, that if you tell me you need space and I can see that you are 100% not ok and you're going to have a mental breakdown or a panic attack, I won't leave you alone. I'm sorry, Liv, I can't turn my back on you if I know it's going to lead to something more serious." He told her and she took a minute to think about what he was saying before she responded.

"Ok. But, Elliot. I have to really not be ok. None of that you just trying to act tough or prove a point. I need to really not be ok for that to happen, otherwise when I need space, you need to give me that"

"I understand." He said with a smile

"Also, no just dropping by unannounced. Atleast not for a while, if you want to meet up or talk, please please call first."

"Ok, I promise. Can I ask why?"

"Because, one thing I know is, Elliot Stabler is one persistent son of a bitch."

"Meaning?

"Meaning, on Monday it will be ' I was just in the neighborhood', Tuesday will be 'Just thought I would bring your coffee', Wednesday will be 'I thought I could fix whatever item you think needs fixing' Thursday will be 'I accidentally ordered 2 pizzas, can I come in' Friday will be ' I happen to not-"

"Ok, ok, I get it. No random drop in's and coming up with half ass excuses"

"I don't want to be smothered right now, I need to be able to come to you on my own time, and same with Fin, and I need to get myself together and feel ok before I can welcome your welcoming."

"I get it, Liv. So you will be ok if I call first to ask to see you?"

"Yes, but don't get upset if I cancel or say no everyday for a week. I need you to let me try to figure everything out on my own with the support of my friends. I don't need other people deciding my direction, I just need support with my own directions, ok?"

"Ok, but Liv, let me make one thing clear" She looked at him waiting for him to continue "Ordering 2 pizzas will never be an accident, and it wouldn't be an accident if I ate them both" He said with a smile making her chuckle.

"I may be crazy or just vulnerable right now, but I am giving you chance Elliot. Don't fuck this up"

"I'm going to work my hardest, I promise"

The two got up and went to sit in the living room, Olivia was still in Ed's shirt wanting to feel close and 5 minutes later Noah woke up and came out of his room holding his blanket and Eddie the elephant. He rubbed his eyes and his messy bed head made Olivia smile.

"Good morning, sweet boy" She said as she picked him up and cuddled him. Elliot looked at the mother son duo and smiled. Olivia was a great mom, he always knew she would be. He was happy she finally had her chance.

"Mommy can we go to the park today?"

"I think we could do that" She smiled softly

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweet boy?"

"Was Eddie the one who died?" He asked shyly in a soft voice not wanting to upset his mother. Olivia couldn't help it, her eyes gathered with tears as she nodded her head yes.

"Yeah baby" She cried as she looked into his eyes "I'm sorry, baby I didn't want to tell you, how did you find out?" She asked with tears streaming down her face

"You're wearing his shirt, and you've been looking at his picture and crying"

"I'm sorry, baby."

"How did he die?" He asked sadly and Elliot sat on the other couch silently letting the two have a chance to talk and get their feelings out.

"Well, Eddie was very sick, and he wasn't himself anymore. And the sickness he had wasn't going to get better. He didn't want to make other people sad around him by watching him suffer. So he uhm, he- he ended his life early" She explained to her son as tears fell down her face once again.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sad"

"I am too, baby, I am too" She said as the two hugged each other tightly feeling the loss of someone important in their lives.

"I'm sad I can't talk to him anymore or see him, or play at the park with him anymore"

"You can talk to him, baby but you won't be able to hear him talk back, but he is always listening" She tried to explain

"Doe this make Eddie even more special now?" He asked holding up his elephant

"Definitely, Eddie the elephant is the most special elephant. He is named after a brave man who loved you a lot" She told him as she pulled him in for a tight hug. Elliot knew Ed Tucker was special to this little family, especially if her son named his favorite toy after the man

"I loved him too, mommy."

"Hey Noah, you're a brave boy, you know that? Just like Ed, and I think he would be really proud of you" Elliot told Noah and Olivia looked at him and smiled.

"Really?" He asked as he wiped a tear and Elliot nodded

"He would be so proud of you, baby. Just like I am" Olivia told him

"I love you, mommy" Noah said as he wrapped his little arms around her neck

"I love you too, sweet boy, so so much"

"Can I watch some cartoons, mama?"

"Yeah baby, I'll start breakfast, do you want pancakes, cereal, or oatmeal?"

"Pancakes, please" He said and just before Olivia could stand up, Elliot was already up

"I'll make them, you just stay here and watch Spongebob" Elliot said as he rubbed her shoulder and made his way to the kitchen. He came back the coffeepot and filled up her cup and brought her the cream.

"Liv, I respect you and everything you say, so when you want me to go, just say the word, ok?"

"Thanks Elliot" She smiled as she cuddled her son.

Day 1 without Ed Tucker, there was many days she would have to get through still.


End file.
